i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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