do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
