you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
