so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize