2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
