Apparently you make a good broom.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
