It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
