I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
