if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
