So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
