WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
