No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
