Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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