Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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