i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
