when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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