do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize