margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
