I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize