Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
