I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
