I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
