Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
