More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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