Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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