Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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