I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
