i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
