dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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