dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize