38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
