remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
