pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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