He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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