So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
