I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
