A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
