i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize