Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize