On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize