Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
