fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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