my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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