He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
