Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
