It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
