I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
