he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
