we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
