I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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