the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
