i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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