He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
