YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
