How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
