You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
