Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize