oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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