When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am one with the molecules
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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