matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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