Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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