I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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