Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
