I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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