Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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