i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
3 2 1 whiskey
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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