I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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