You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
