And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
