the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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