I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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