he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
